An Egos Last Gasp

I've never done a blog before and I figured why not. To have a platform to share in depth thoughts instead of sharing them unwarrantedly with others is motivation enough. My hopes for this blog is to create an outpost for those who may look to spark curiosity as well as satiate it. What I know is that I am a father of 5 kids and have another girl on the way. I have this deep desire to connect with individuals on a level that I find fulfilling. This may just be an outlet for some of my filter less expression. If you stumbled upon this website this may very well be a place for you to find inspiration or a place that could leave you more confused than before. The lens through which I see the world has to do with a constant desire of more. 8 years ago, I was homeless on the streets of Santa Monica, 4 years ago I shot dope all the way to a jail cell and then was forced to seek treatment or do 5 years in prison. Since then, its been a battle between maintaining a spiritual connection and enduring stress while limiting damage done. In the midst of all that, I am blessed to raise a family, have a loving wife trudge by my side and have relationships that have truly carried me through a lot of adversity. This need for more doesn't manifest itself in as much of destructive behavior as it has in the past but it very much still is alive and well. Today I realize that its how I chose to channel it which could be the make or break. I signed up for some college classes 3 years ago thinking I was going to complete a drug and alcohol program and ended up with an associates in arts and addiction studies, and a bachelors in psychology. Now I'm on the journey of premed courses, MCAT studying, and figuring out how to apply to Med School. How I'm going to support 6 kids, stay spiritually fit, and mentally sane throughout the process is beyond me. I am certain that my spiritual journey is nudging me in this direction and encouraging me to do what's right in front of me to the best of my ability. I love to cut corners and it has almost been instinctual up to this point. In my attempts to rely on new guiding principles, I have come to understand that in the un-cheated process, lies true fitness. The ego within me tells me I should be capable of conquering the whole world but in the hypnosis of that thought, I end up doing nothing. In spite of that nothing, the frustration builds. Today I do something. I have decided to document the progression towards a world changing or confusion producing existence I call my life. My qualifications for anything I say on this blog are none other than my past experiences, an ego centric mentality, and some newly acquired principles to navigate these unchartered spiritual waters. In other words, none at all. I hope I have convinced you by now that I am a solid source of information and that you shouldn't rely on a word that I write.

#BuiLtIn