Success Is Overcoming

How does one define success? The dictionary tells me that its an "accomplishment of an aim or purpose." The internet tells me that its a subjective concept that can be defined in many different ways. It appears that the definition of success is personal to the definer. I used to think success had to do with the attainment of what others found desirable. I surrounded myself with those that seemed to have a confidence a materialistic philosophy. These consumer ideals of always getting the next shiny thing became my main driver. With this, I built a business structure that made me and those around me a lot of money. More money in fact that I knew what to do with. Somebody offered to buy the business and I remember feeling like the solution to all of my problems was just right around the corner. I had a conversation with my girlfriend at the time about selling and all the things we could do with this income. I should have seen it when she seemingly began to look at me with more admiration. Around the same time, my business partners who "took a chance on me" in facilitating the growth of this business threatened to jeopardize the sale unless they got a higher percentage stake in the company. Its like all the sudden, the relationships I was building that I thought were authentic and real were valued only by monetary gain. I was blinded by this feeling of finally getting everything that I thought I wanted and couldn't fathom that people would take advantage. I was certain money was the epitome of success and I just figured this was how it felt. Then my Aunt (One of the most successful women I know) calls me as I am driving some "friends" to the mall to all get matching hats. "I heard you are giving up more of your company to sell it, don't be stupid Gab" she says. Here I am with a car full of close friends all of which were willing to get a tattoo of my company's name on them. If that wasn't a true authentic connection I had no idea what was. I felt reassured every step of the way as everyone confirmed their confidence in me. Emotionally I felt a void open up where that promise of fulfillment used to be. In spite of the warning signs, I sold the company, and gave away more of a percentage to make sure it went through. When the dust of all that was promising and exciting settled, I was left feeling alone and disconnected. Mentally I knew that the next step was to diversify my financial investments and rely on advise from professionals. But emotionally I felt obligated to capture a feeling that I now felt cheated out of. By this time I started to catch on to the ulterior motives of my girlfriend. Instead of leaving her, because I lacked self esteem to do that, I decided to start smoking wax and drinking again. A couple weeks went by and she decided she didn't want the front row seats to my self destruction so she left. This illusion of love had been shattered, which then sent everything I had believed into a spiral of doubt. This existential crisis produced nothing but anger, frustration, and fear. This anger, frustration, and fear now fueled a different kind of fire in me. It wasn't the pursuit of any kind of success this time, it was solely about getting revenge. In the midst of all that, my relationship with substances was rekindled. When I let this anger frustration and fear drive, I willingly departed from any morals or values that were innately good. The justification I felt entitled to allowed me to disregard that intuitive feeling, and carry on the way I wanted to. It took 3 years for the destruction of this path to catch up to me. Finally after what seemed like a lifetime, I was forcefully stopped. This left me faced with the same dilemma that I had before. How do you define success? In the journey of self discovery I realized that success wasn't about having the next shiny thing (Even though I still desire it most of the time) Its about overcoming my own self. Its about the willingness to look within and break free of the mental limitations that are self induced. I believed that I needed validation from others, I believed that I needed the next new thing, I believe that I needed to exert myself to the point of ruin to keep up with the world, I believed that your attention on me was all important and I stood ready to compromise any aspect of my character to get it. Little did I know that the illusion of these needs kept me imprisoned and left me feeling like a victim of life. Today I realize that success meant struggle, and a constant striving to become part of a unified whole. This idea of utilizing my own experience as a means of helping others became worthwhile to me. The feeling I get when I am in the presence of positive change is attractive. Today I don't have to follow the false promise of fulfillment, because I have found it right here. Today I don't feel like I have to reach elsewhere to make up for lost time because it is right now. Today, my success has to do with my ability to overcome my own mental confinement. I know my success fluctuates from day to day because sometimes I am totally open and other times I feel unreachable. If I am struggling enough, I know to look within, walk through the fear, and have faith in the experience brought forth as it is a path of a type of growth towards something greater. Or if you will, towards success.

#BuILtIn